Remember the time your lover couldn't keep his hands off you?
And now, it seems, his hands are strictly for holding the
remote, and he has eyes only for the TV.
What went wrong? Besides the fact that lifestyles today are more
stressful than ever (a definite romance buster), most
relationships go through predictable phases - from intense
passion to a warm friendly glow to possible eventual
indifference.
All couples, however, do not end up with indifference towards
each other. Some even retain intense romance and passion for as
long as they live. These relationships are not instances of
chance or luck - the continued intimacy is a result of working
on the relationship and not giving up on each other when the
things look bleak.
If you are looking for more than just "holding on" to each other
out of habit and wish to rekindle the flame of the early days of
your romancing, here are some tips that will help you reach that
goal:
Chores and additional responsibility: The
greatest difference between the dating days and the living
together days is the drastic change in responsibility levels.
Money matters, household chores, and decision-making are the
major areas of conflict.
For instance, you have never discussed who does what around the
house, and when you see your partner sprawled on the couch while
you are hard at work, it angers you. The best way to sidestep
this hurdle is to work on communication. In this example, it
would help to discuss division of chores and responsibilities
before you start living together. Also, discuss money matters
beforehand - who will spend on what, how much will be saved etc.
If one partner puts in efforts to save money, and the other
partner spends lavishly, the relationship is heading towards
troubled waters. When we stop communicating, resentment builds
up.
Resentment: Unresolved issues lead to bitterness and resentment.
And when we resent our partner, we tend to start shutting
him/her out of our lives. This is the beginning of indifference.
Snip indifference in the bud by recognizing its signs and
talking about the unresolved issue. Seek a closure.
Fitness & Health: High profile and highly demanding careers mean
that we have little emotional energy to "give" at the end of the
day. When both partners feel this way, they may end up snapping
at each other for non-issues. And if you have been neglecting
your health by eating junk food and not exercising, you feel
constantly exhausted and irritable. So when both partners
maintain a healthy (and fit) lifestyle, it helps their
relationship.
Babies: Some say that the greatest test of the health a
relationship is how it survives the entry of the new family
member - the baby. Newborns can add to the stress of an already
stressed relationship. If you don't want your relationship to
fall apart on account of the baby, make sure you are working on
it before the baby is born - again, the key is open and honest
communication.
Familiarity: At some point in the relationship we get
comfortable enough with each other to burp in front of each
other. This familiarity sometimes extends to not opening doors
for our partner, and not carrying bags for her - little
courtesies are forgotten. Even if we are comfortable with each
other, behaving in a gentlemanly manner (or ladylike manner)
when the occasion demands, keeps the romance alive.
Bickering: Most bickering is a reflection of a bigger problem -
it is never really about the socks on the floor or the
toothpaste tube cover- it is about how these gestures show that
you don't care enough about your partner to put in the effort.
Bickering only increases your frustration because while the
issue does not get resolved, you get labeled a "nag". Talking in
a constructive and positive manner about what bothers you is the
best way to sidestep bickering.
Always remember to talk in a place that is free of distractions
such as the TV or the baby. And while we're going on about
honest communication, remember the golden rule of speaking to
your partner - it never hurts to be diplomatic. We're saying,
"be honest", but that does not equal "be harsh". Talk in a
considerate, gentle and positive manner; and your partner will
reward you by being responsive. And that is the beginning of
rekindling the romance.
About the Author:
Lynn Johnson recommends DeepMemories.com if you want to spice up
your relationship and browse a tasteful selection of
adult toys.
